The After School Struggle! Dealing with Emotional Exhaustion in Kids.
You ever pick up your kid from school, and as soon as you step through the door, bam! They're having a massive meltdown. Or they're just super cranky, grumpy, and maybe even a bit rude, sometimes even before you've made it home? And then you hear from your child's teacher about how delightful they are in class, and you're like, "Are we talking about the same child here?"
Well, guess what? It's not just you.
After school kids can be… a handful. They're often tired, hungry, and just plain wiped out, which can leave them all out of sorts. But the truth is, they're not doing it on purpose to annoy you.
What's happening here is something called "After-School Restraint Collapse."
Essentially, cooperating with teachers, listening to instructions, navigating social situations with their peers, and completing their classwork—all of these take a LOT of emotional and mental energy for a child.
Many are holding it together ALL day at school, and by the time school ends, their brains, bodies, and nervous systems are running on empty.
So, what do they do when they finally get home? They release.
In those moments, it's easy to get upset. And our instinct might be to come down hard with consequences for the after-school ‘behaviour problems’. But punishments or taking away privileges backfire and don’t even deal with what’s causing the behaviour in the first place.
But our kids aren't just being manipulative or acting bratty. We have to understand that they do this because of the unconscious sense of safety they feel at home, which causes the release the pent-up frustration, stress, and dysregulation.
Here are some ways we can help minimise after-school restraint collapse using Emotional Intelligence:
Don't take the emotions personally. Remember, the behaviour is not intentional manipulation or brattiness.
Validate their feelings. Say something like "You seem pretty tired right now. You had a big day, huh?"
Look below the surface. There may be an underlying issue at school that's causing anxiety, disappointment, anger, etc.
Have snacks ready!! Low blood sugar makes emotions go haywire.
Allow decompress time after school before tackling homework. Go outside and play, or just relax.
Avoid bombarding them with questions about their day.
Model calmness and regulate your own emotions. Children sense and can mirror our energy.
Show empathy and give them your full, compassionate presence. That matters more than "fixes."
The most powerful thing we can do is connect with our children, and YOU'RE the best person to help them settle back into the home environment after a busy school day.
So the next time your child or teenager gets a bit snappy, don't take it personally; they're just trying to cope with the demands of school life.
We are their best regulators. With our love and support, they'll settle, regulate and bounce back after letting the school day stress go.
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